Why everyone should have a baby when there are older children in the house

Macie will be 2 months old this week.  My other five kids range in age from 5 to 13.  In fact, we're at the easy part of the year when there is an even two years between everyone's ages-- 5, 7, 9, 11, and 13.  That all changes when birthday season begins in July!   When the others were tiny, motherhood was physically demanding.  There was always someone who needed to be carried or bathed or fed.  It was also mentally and emotionally demanding.  How can I meet the needs of all these little people well?  How can I do it and not let my house disintegrate into dust and clutter?

The 5-year break between kids gave me surprising perspective.  I don't feel as though I'm the same mom I was to the others.  Everyone needs to have a baby when they have older kids in the house.  Obviously I speak in jest.  I know people can't or don't have children for a variety of reasons, but there is peace and clarity that comes with time and age.

This time around I have older children who want to share my workload.  They ask if they can help-- to vacuum, cook, or hold the baby.  Having responsible baby-holders (versus ones who must be hovered over while they practice with the baby propped on pillows) is a game-changer. Moms of tiny ones understand the luxury of putting on a load of laundry using both hands.  Or even-- gasp!-- going to the bathroom alone. 

As on older mom, I also have the wisdom of fleeting time.  I understand and appreciate that this baby could be the last and I'm able to savor her a little more.  I'm in no hurry for her to grow up.  When she abandoned that scrunched-up newborn pose, with her legs pulled to her body in a classic fetal position, I felt a little sad inside. Watching her little legs developing fat rolls and witnessing her first gummy smiles are rocking my world. Each milestone is sweet. 

I'm not even minding the lack of sleep.  Admittedly, Macie is a good sleeper.  [She naps in the front wrap every morning.  She sleeps 2-3 hours in the afternoon in bed on her own and catnaps in arms in the evening.  She typically goes to bed around ten, waking once or twice to nurse before getting up at seven.]  But life and sleep with a baby is unpredictable and I'm learning not to mind.  I can even smile when I'm rubbing my sleepy eyes as I sit up with a nursing or wide awake baby in the wee hours of the morning. 

You know how everyone tells you to enjoy the baby years because they go so quickly.  I used to believe it my mind but struggle to put it into practice.  Now I've witnessed the truth of those words and I'm finally at a place where I can let go and savor.  Sure.  I still get frustrated and wish I could get more sleep or wish I could do something besides hold the baby all day long, but I know this stage won't last. I'm able to say to myself, "It's only one night. This isn't forever."  I'm don't have to rock my 13-year-old to sleep and my 11-year-old does not wake me at 5 am.  It won't last.

Before Macie was born, the ladies at my church gave me a baby shower.  Each woman in attendance wrote a message of encouragement on the front of a diaper.  They were called "middle of the night" diapers and were meant to uplift my spirit as I shuffled through the sleep-deprived nights with a newborn.  As it turns out, Macie was too tiny to wear those diapers in the beginning, but we're delving into them now.  I choose one on days or moments when I'm feeling particularly vulnerable or overwhelmed. Reminders that "the days (and nights) are long, but the years are short" or "the Lord will see you through" are just what I need at those times.  Another diaper said simply, "Pray," so I did.  And another said, "Eat a cookie." It's good advice all around! 

I think I'm gaining a new perspective on bad days.  A few weeks ago, we had a day when Macie didn't sleep or stop crying almost all day long.  Last Sunday, she was restless, fussy, and loud throughout the morning and I spent most of the church service out in the hall, even though a few of my kids were singing with the children's choir and I wanted to watch them!   On Tuesday, every time I laid Macie down for a nap, she woke back up, and didn't settle down for good until after 3 pm!  I texted Brian that we were having a rough day.  He texted back that he was sorry and I surprised myself by responding, "Just life.  It's okay."  And I meant it.  Despite my frustration, lack of free time, and the state of my messy house, I was choosing to put it in perspective. Those days, and any other day, is just a blip in time.

All this is not to show what a great and patient person I am.   I am not.   I like things just-so and prefer schedules-- and all things-- to go my way.  It's not to brag that I can get less sleep and not complain.  I do sometimes.  But the Lord is working on me.  Having a baby with older children in the house is transforming my thinking.  I'm more focused on people, not perfection.  Motherhood is changing me. 

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A Lazy Mom Teaches Geography

Homeschooling five children is not for the faint of heart!  For me, one of the most difficult parts is balancing everyone's individual needs and dividing my attention among them.  When I can find a way to fulfill an educational need by doing the kinds of things we would be doing anyway, it's a win for all of us.

That's why this year, Ben (2nd grade) and Alaine (kindergarten) are learning geography through a series of library books that I'm reading aloud to them.

We began with the Bella and Harry seriesby Lisa Manzione.  These are aimed toward younger children (maybe ages 3 through 7), but my older kids have been known to peek over my shoulder...or even sit by my side while we read.  The books follow two Chihuahuas around the world as they travel with their human unnamed family.  The dogs sample local cuisine and stop at major landmarks in cities such as Athens, Jerusalem, and Venice.  My favorite part is the short glossary of foreign words in the back of each book. We have fun trying to pronounce the words and figure out what they mean before we peek at the translations.  There are close to twenty books in this series and they do not need to be read in order.

In February, we switched to the Dodsworth seriesby Tim Egan.  These books are a little longer, short enough to be read in one sitting, but comprised of short chapters.  Dodsworth is a mouse who reluctantly travels with an annoying duck (?!) to visits five major cities. (It's a short series.)  These books follow a basic storyline so they may make more sense read in order.  The first book, Dodsworth in New York, is light on geography.  It mentions various NYC tourist destinations, but its primary role is to set up the rest of the series.

Do you find lazy ways to teach your children?  Share your secrets.

Running and Fitness with a Newborn

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One question I've been asked several times since Macie's birth is, "When can you start running again?"

My answer is a little conflicted.  

A little backstory:  I ran throughout my pregnancy.  I ran during the early weeks of morning sickness and right up until the day my water broke.  It boosted my energy level and stabilized my weight gain.  As I neared the end of the pregnancy, I tried to imagine how running would fit into my life with a newborn, suspecting the logistics would be tough.

For the first four or five weeks of Macie's life, I savored the break.  Even though I enjoy running, I knew my body needed rest and recuperation.  By six weeks, the desire to run returned, but I also started to face reality.  I may feel mentally ready to run, but I'm not sure my body is ready for it.  Despite staying fit during pregnancy, my back and lower abdomen are weak and achy postpartum.  My core needs strengthening before running will be comfortable or even advisable.

On top of that, my ideal time to run is early in the morning...but that's when Macie wakes to nurse.  She almost always goes back to sleep until eight or nine, but once I miss that early morning window, I need to use my time to manage breakfast, start school with the kids, or wash my face and hair!  I get a little sad when I realize a regular running routine is probably months away.  Aside from an occasional weekend run this spring, running can't be a priority for me in this season. 

I'm choosing to adopt the idea that a little exercise is better than no exercise at all.  Starting this coming week, I'm purposing to exercise in the house for 20 minutes at a time on 3 different days. I'm hoping that popping in a postpartum DVD (versus gearing up for the outdoors) will be easier to slip into my schedule.  I can exercise while Macie is right beside me and I can break it into smaller sessions, too, if she is fussy. 

Movement and health are my motivators.  Weight loss is not my goal and since breastfeeding burns 300-500 per day, I'm also focusing on high quality nutrition.  I can always find time to eat!  

Any tips for me?  

How can I strengthen my core muscles?  

Any experience with exercising or running postpartum?  

What are some nutrient dense snacks I can keep on hand?

Weekend Thoughts on Food and Meal Planning

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I'm shifting into a new way of menu planning.  Until recently, I planned ahead in two-week blocks, plugging meals onto my calendar according to what was on the schedule.  Was I going to be gone all afternoon?  That day needed a quick meal or a slow cooker meal.  Did I anticipate a quiet day at home?  Maybe I could plan to make bread to go with dinner.  A simple check of the calendar each morning told me whether I needed to take ground beef or chicken out of the freezer.

Since Macie's birth, even that simple system seems too complicated.  I can't predict my days far in advance so I'm settling on a meal list.  I still grocery shop every two weeks so before I leave for the store, I compile a a list of ten or twelve meals and buy the ingredients for those meals.  A few days ahead, I might plot out a plan, or I may not choose what to cook until the morning of.  Either way, I know something will work for my day and I know I have all the ingredients. 

I like to cook mostly from scratch, but some days "convenience" foods are saving my life.  I prefer to have variety in our menu, but eating a few family favorites is better than not eating at all.  I'm settling on the idea that perfect isn't attainable but good enough is alright. 

Here a few links I've read or used lately:

Overnight Steel Cut Oats  I'm a nursing mom and my appetite is crazy in the morning.  This method ensures a hearty, filling, and healthy breakfast with very little work.  (My favorite toppings are sliced bananas or a spoonful of natural peanut butter with a sprinkling of dark chocolate chips for sweetener.)

Seven Ways to Use Frozen Meatballs  I love the idea of pizza grilled cheese-- especially if I can incorporate veggies and still enjoy the melty goodness of warm cheese. 

57 Things You Can Do To Be A Better Cook Right Now From mixing bowls to toasting spices to softening butter to setting off the smoke alarm (??!), this list has ideas to get your brain whirring and your mouth watering.

Granola Energy Balls   I've shared this link multiple times in the past.  These were my go-to snack before a morning run while I was pregnant.  Right now I'm finding these handy to keep on hand for when I'm nursing in the middle of the night.

4 Things We're Looking Forward To

1) Spring! While part of me wants to hold on to winter because it means Brian is still home from work and we have lots of family time, the rest of me wants spring to hurry up.  I'm looking forward to warmer days when we can go out without bundling up in coats (and gloves and hats)!  I am looking forward to taking the baby outside without wrapping her in blankets and having her gasp in the wind.   We have been blessed with good health this winter, but the kids are passing around a cold this week and Alaine had a fever on Saturday and Sunday, so I'm ready for spring's fresh air.

2) A vehicle we can all ride in together! The day after I wrote this post, we bought an 8-passenger vehicle.  We are so excited, but until we get it through state inspection and finish cleaning it (the former owner was a smoker), we are still doing the 2-car thing.  

3) The yard drying out!  We live on low land so the ground stays saturated after a rain.  We've had so much rain and other precipitation this winter that the kids haven't been able to play in the yard for weeks.  Good thing our back deck is large enough to sort-of large enough to run around on.  Considering  6 inches of snow fell yesterday then switched to rain which melted all the snow...and it is supposed to continued all day today...we might be waiting a long time for dry ground!  

4) Gym class starting this week!  The P.E. class my kids take from one of the local colleges has been on break since early December, but it resumes this week!  The kids can't wait to see some of their friends regularly again.  Notice, the exercise part of class is not my kids' priority. 

Books of 2015 (and a look ahead at the coming year of reading)

Isn't it a little late to be doing one of these types of posts?  It's February now and 2015 is over a month behind us.  I'm going to use the excuse that January was a little crazy at our house, plus I can argue that by February, the novelty of winter has worn off and we all need  good books to perk up those stir-crazy stuck-in-the-house days.

I'm going to start with a few of the reading highlights (and lowlights) from 2015 and then move onto a few thoughts about my reading plans for 2016.

The Trends

In 2015, I read 57 books, 30 of which were non-fiction.  I love a good memoir.   This year I gravitated toward food memoirs like Bread and Wineby Shauna Nequist, A Homemade Lifeby Molly Wizenberg,  Life From Scratchby Sasha Martin and a few others.

I also read medical memoirs like The Real Doctor Will See You Shortlyby Matt McCarthy, The Nursesby Alexandra Robbins, and Five Days at Memorialby Sheri Fink.

I also read The Night Shift (review here) for Sisters Book Challenge.  Unfortunately Kati and I only read 3-4 books each, then got busy (or in my case, got morning sickness) and dropped the challenge.

Most Difficult

I read Sense and Sensibility in March and expected it to be tough, but it didn't hold a candle to The Last of the Mohicansby James Fennimore Cooper.  I loved the story and plot-line when I read it in high school, but when I reread it in November, I struggled through the entire book!

Most Anticipated

I've been waiting for a new book by Kate Mortonfor over a year!  Originally, The Lake Housewas scheduled for release in April, then it was moved to October.  More waiting. My library hold finally came ready in November.  I've been thoroughly engaged by every one of Kate Morton's previous titles so I was not intimidated by the 500+ pages, and I devoured the book.  I had heard that it was her best yet, but The Secret Keeperstill holds that distinction for me.

Most Uncharacteristic

I am not one to jump on trends and truthfully, this series of books didn't appeal to me anyway, but in May, I decided to see what all the fuss was about.  I read The Hunger Games Trilogyby Suzanne Collins when I was in the throes of morning sickness so it probably wasn't the best time to form an opinion.  (Too much reading made me nauseous, plus being sick made me grumpy and weepy.) The books were well-written and the story was interesting, but I am glad it was only a 3-book series.  I also watched the first movie but was not intrigued enough the finish the rest.

Best Juvenile or YA

I read The War that Saved My Lifeby Kimberly Brubaker Bradley in August.  It follows the story of a young girl and her brother who go to live in the country to escape the Blitz during World War II.  They find themselves assigned to live with a woman who doesn't want them, but that very woman ends up teaching them valuable lessons about love, perseverance, and responsibility.  I loved this book!

What's All the Hype?

I said I don't care for trends, but I did read two books this year that had a buzz surrounding them.  In May, I read  All the Light We Cannot Seeby Anthony Doerr.  I had only heard good about this book, but I wasn't impressed.  I kept waiting for it to get better, but it didn't.  Perhaps it was a case of my expectations being too high.

Then I read Go Set a Watchmanby Harper Lee in August.  Everyone is right.  It is no To Kill a Mockingbird, but I didn't hate the story.  I went into the book knowing the characters were going to be written from a different perspective, but I found it interesting to get a glimpse into Harper Lee's original ideas.

 

*****

Since the beginning of the year, and especially since Macie was born, I'm finding that reading is falling from my priority list.  Midway through January I had not completed one book, though I ended up finishing three by month's end.  Last week I had to return a book to the library that I hadn't finished but had reached its three-week limit.  It's a little distressing to me, but Brian reminds me I'll have more time for reading in another season. 

For now I'm focusing on a few things.  I'm reading with my kids.  Macie has fallen into a sort-of regular afternoon naptime routine. The rest of us are using the quiet time to make hot chocolate and share books on the couch. I'm reading magazines. Short bursts of reading are manageable to me with a nursing baby. I'm dedicating the year to reading for pleasure.  This is not the year to tackle hefty classics or challenge myself intellectually.  If I stretch myself to read outside of my comfort zone, I'll never read a thing. I'm letting myself read only the books that interest me on a very basic level-- books that seem fun-- and I'm okay with that.