Why Having a Baby Is Hard...(and that's okay!)

I'm a sixth-time mom, but experience does not make it easy.  I still worry about why my baby won't sleep or why my boys can't get through day without picking on each other.  I'm also not immune to other people's opinions, looks, and comments.  

I do feel like I have the benefit of perspective this go-round, though.  I know every stage and every trial only lasts for  a short season. Baby days turn into toddler days.  Arguing boys transform into teenagers with a new set of cares.

My advice to new or young moms (or older moms, like me) is to choose whatever sleep situation allows everyone to the get the most sleep.  Trying to force something that isn't working just leaves everyone miserable.  They won't always be waking up, won't always be in your room, won't always be needing you all night.  

Smile at the people in the grocery store who tell you your hands are full or who ask nosy questions or who glare when your child is whining in the juice aisle.

Don't worry about the days when the kids...or you!...watch too much TV.  Everyone can be more productive tomorrow.

Some days, maybe many days, will be lonely and you'll long to talk to someone besides the baby. Loneliness is a real thing, but kids grow up and you'll realize the monotonous days were worth it.

I'm going to repeat something I wrote on the blog seven years ago because it is still true today:

In [our] inner struggle to determine cloth or disposable, homeschool or public, organic or not, my bed or his own, have I put too much merit in trivialities?  In deciding whether to expose my little ones to vaccines or food dyes or television, have I remembered the crux of the matter?

Does Gavin know Jesus?  Is Maddie living for Him?  Will Owen and Benjamin [and Alaine and Macie] spend eternity in Heaven? 

In the end, that's what matters.

(Click here for other posts in this series.)

Why Having a Baby Is Hard...(and that's okay!)

I'm a sixth-time mom, but experience does not make it easy.  I still worry about why my baby won't sleep or why my boys can't get through day without picking on each other.  I'm also not immune to other people's opinions, looks, and comments.  

I do feel like I have the benefit of perspective this go-round, though.  I know every stage and every trial only lasts for  a short season. Baby days turn into toddler days.  Arguing boys transform into teenagers with a new set of cares.

My advice to new or young moms (or older moms, like me) is to choose whatever sleep situation allows everyone to the get the most sleep.  Trying to force something that isn't working just leaves everyone miserable.  They won't always be waking up, won't always be in your room, won't always be needing you all night.  

Smile at the people in the grocery store who tell you your hands are full or who ask nosy questions or who glare when your child is whining in the juice aisle.

Don't worry about the days when the kids...or you!...watch too much TV.  Everyone can be more productive tomorrow.

Some days, maybe many days, will be lonely and you'll long to talk to someone besides the baby. Loneliness is a real thing, but kids grow up and you'll realize the monotonous days were worth it.

I'm going to repeat something I wrote on the blog seven years ago because it is still true today:

In [our] inner struggle to determine cloth or disposable, homeschool or public, organic or not, my bed or his own, have I put too much merit in trivialities?  In deciding whether to expose my little ones to vaccines or food dyes or television, have I remembered the crux of the matter?

Does Gavin know Jesus?  Is Maddie living for Him?  Will Owen and Benjamin [and Alaine and Macie] spend eternity in Heaven? 

In the end, that's what matters.

(Click here for other posts in this series.)

How YouTube Is Transforming Our Mornings

Let me start by saying I'm almost too embarrassed to post this.  It doesn't feel right to admit that we start our day in front of a screen.  But let me back up and tell you about our summer mornings.  

I might sit on my bed nursing Macie while the kids get up.  The boys tend to wake first and they eat breakfast and sometimes watch Wild Kratts on TV.  Then the girls get up and join the boys.  If I'm still in my room, the kids start playing Legos until I remind them to get dressed and do their chores before they have free time.  An hour later we realize Alaine never ate breakfast and no one emptied the dishwasher.  A few kids argue about who gets to play magnetic darts first and I spend the hours nagging about what's not getting done instead of investing in quality time with my kids! The morning slips away before I've had a shower, and when I peek into the bedrooms around lunchtime, I notice an unmade bed. 

Maybe the answer is to make a morning schedule and to require more responsibility and accountability, but we're choosing another way.

Now as soon as the kids come out of their rooms in the morning, Owen holds Macie while I make my bed.  Then we all congregate in the living room.  Macie nurses or plays on the floor while the rest of us watch Good Mythical Morning together. Good Mythical Morning is a clean, talkshow-esque YouTube channel that puts out a funny 10-15 minute video every morning.  (Their ninth season is ending on Friday, but there are scads of old shows we can catch up on.  Season 10 begins August 1.) 

Once our non-morning people have laughed themselves awake, we watch Five Minute Family Devotional. Five Minute Family Devotional, another YouTube channel, reviews men and women from the Bible chronologically.  It ends with 1-2 discussion questions and a suggested prayer topic. The channel releases several episodes per week.  So far there are eleven of a total twenty-five.  (The channel is a division of JellyTelly, which is part of  What's in the Bible? {affiliate link}, a brand we love!)

All told, our viewing lasts less than a half hour, but it centers us and puts us all in one place to begin the day. I'm available to make sure everyone has eaten and begun their morning routine and chores, and it  makes it easy to move on studying the body on Mondays or read books with Alaine on the other days.  (I'm sharing some of our favorite picture book on the blog's Facebook page a few times a week.)

Best of all, it gives me an opportunity to laugh and share with all my kids...and make a few memories, too!

(Click here for other posts in this series.)

Why everyone should have a baby when there are older children in the house

Macie will be 2 months old this week.  My other five kids range in age from 5 to 13.  In fact, we're at the easy part of the year when there is an even two years between everyone's ages-- 5, 7, 9, 11, and 13.  That all changes when birthday season begins in July!   When the others were tiny, motherhood was physically demanding.  There was always someone who needed to be carried or bathed or fed.  It was also mentally and emotionally demanding.  How can I meet the needs of all these little people well?  How can I do it and not let my house disintegrate into dust and clutter?

The 5-year break between kids gave me surprising perspective.  I don't feel as though I'm the same mom I was to the others.  Everyone needs to have a baby when they have older kids in the house.  Obviously I speak in jest.  I know people can't or don't have children for a variety of reasons, but there is peace and clarity that comes with time and age.

This time around I have older children who want to share my workload.  They ask if they can help-- to vacuum, cook, or hold the baby.  Having responsible baby-holders (versus ones who must be hovered over while they practice with the baby propped on pillows) is a game-changer. Moms of tiny ones understand the luxury of putting on a load of laundry using both hands.  Or even-- gasp!-- going to the bathroom alone. 

As on older mom, I also have the wisdom of fleeting time.  I understand and appreciate that this baby could be the last and I'm able to savor her a little more.  I'm in no hurry for her to grow up.  When she abandoned that scrunched-up newborn pose, with her legs pulled to her body in a classic fetal position, I felt a little sad inside. Watching her little legs developing fat rolls and witnessing her first gummy smiles are rocking my world. Each milestone is sweet. 

I'm not even minding the lack of sleep.  Admittedly, Macie is a good sleeper.  [She naps in the front wrap every morning.  She sleeps 2-3 hours in the afternoon in bed on her own and catnaps in arms in the evening.  She typically goes to bed around ten, waking once or twice to nurse before getting up at seven.]  But life and sleep with a baby is unpredictable and I'm learning not to mind.  I can even smile when I'm rubbing my sleepy eyes as I sit up with a nursing or wide awake baby in the wee hours of the morning. 

You know how everyone tells you to enjoy the baby years because they go so quickly.  I used to believe it my mind but struggle to put it into practice.  Now I've witnessed the truth of those words and I'm finally at a place where I can let go and savor.  Sure.  I still get frustrated and wish I could get more sleep or wish I could do something besides hold the baby all day long, but I know this stage won't last. I'm able to say to myself, "It's only one night. This isn't forever."  I'm don't have to rock my 13-year-old to sleep and my 11-year-old does not wake me at 5 am.  It won't last.

Before Macie was born, the ladies at my church gave me a baby shower.  Each woman in attendance wrote a message of encouragement on the front of a diaper.  They were called "middle of the night" diapers and were meant to uplift my spirit as I shuffled through the sleep-deprived nights with a newborn.  As it turns out, Macie was too tiny to wear those diapers in the beginning, but we're delving into them now.  I choose one on days or moments when I'm feeling particularly vulnerable or overwhelmed. Reminders that "the days (and nights) are long, but the years are short" or "the Lord will see you through" are just what I need at those times.  Another diaper said simply, "Pray," so I did.  And another said, "Eat a cookie." It's good advice all around! 

I think I'm gaining a new perspective on bad days.  A few weeks ago, we had a day when Macie didn't sleep or stop crying almost all day long.  Last Sunday, she was restless, fussy, and loud throughout the morning and I spent most of the church service out in the hall, even though a few of my kids were singing with the children's choir and I wanted to watch them!   On Tuesday, every time I laid Macie down for a nap, she woke back up, and didn't settle down for good until after 3 pm!  I texted Brian that we were having a rough day.  He texted back that he was sorry and I surprised myself by responding, "Just life.  It's okay."  And I meant it.  Despite my frustration, lack of free time, and the state of my messy house, I was choosing to put it in perspective. Those days, and any other day, is just a blip in time.

All this is not to show what a great and patient person I am.   I am not.   I like things just-so and prefer schedules-- and all things-- to go my way.  It's not to brag that I can get less sleep and not complain.  I do sometimes.  But the Lord is working on me.  Having a baby with older children in the house is transforming my thinking.  I'm more focused on people, not perfection.  Motherhood is changing me. 

(Click here for other posts in this series.)

Running and Fitness with a Newborn

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One question I've been asked several times since Macie's birth is, "When can you start running again?"

My answer is a little conflicted.  

A little backstory:  I ran throughout my pregnancy.  I ran during the early weeks of morning sickness and right up until the day my water broke.  It boosted my energy level and stabilized my weight gain.  As I neared the end of the pregnancy, I tried to imagine how running would fit into my life with a newborn, suspecting the logistics would be tough.

For the first four or five weeks of Macie's life, I savored the break.  Even though I enjoy running, I knew my body needed rest and recuperation.  By six weeks, the desire to run returned, but I also started to face reality.  I may feel mentally ready to run, but I'm not sure my body is ready for it.  Despite staying fit during pregnancy, my back and lower abdomen are weak and achy postpartum.  My core needs strengthening before running will be comfortable or even advisable.

On top of that, my ideal time to run is early in the morning...but that's when Macie wakes to nurse.  She almost always goes back to sleep until eight or nine, but once I miss that early morning window, I need to use my time to manage breakfast, start school with the kids, or wash my face and hair!  I get a little sad when I realize a regular running routine is probably months away.  Aside from an occasional weekend run this spring, running can't be a priority for me in this season. 

I'm choosing to adopt the idea that a little exercise is better than no exercise at all.  Starting this coming week, I'm purposing to exercise in the house for 20 minutes at a time on 3 different days. I'm hoping that popping in a postpartum DVD (versus gearing up for the outdoors) will be easier to slip into my schedule.  I can exercise while Macie is right beside me and I can break it into smaller sessions, too, if she is fussy. 

Movement and health are my motivators.  Weight loss is not my goal and since breastfeeding burns 300-500 per day, I'm also focusing on high quality nutrition.  I can always find time to eat!  

Any tips for me?  

How can I strengthen my core muscles?  

Any experience with exercising or running postpartum?  

What are some nutrient dense snacks I can keep on hand?

Weekend Thoughts on Food and Meal Planning

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I'm shifting into a new way of menu planning.  Until recently, I planned ahead in two-week blocks, plugging meals onto my calendar according to what was on the schedule.  Was I going to be gone all afternoon?  That day needed a quick meal or a slow cooker meal.  Did I anticipate a quiet day at home?  Maybe I could plan to make bread to go with dinner.  A simple check of the calendar each morning told me whether I needed to take ground beef or chicken out of the freezer.

Since Macie's birth, even that simple system seems too complicated.  I can't predict my days far in advance so I'm settling on a meal list.  I still grocery shop every two weeks so before I leave for the store, I compile a a list of ten or twelve meals and buy the ingredients for those meals.  A few days ahead, I might plot out a plan, or I may not choose what to cook until the morning of.  Either way, I know something will work for my day and I know I have all the ingredients. 

I like to cook mostly from scratch, but some days "convenience" foods are saving my life.  I prefer to have variety in our menu, but eating a few family favorites is better than not eating at all.  I'm settling on the idea that perfect isn't attainable but good enough is alright. 

Here a few links I've read or used lately:

Overnight Steel Cut Oats  I'm a nursing mom and my appetite is crazy in the morning.  This method ensures a hearty, filling, and healthy breakfast with very little work.  (My favorite toppings are sliced bananas or a spoonful of natural peanut butter with a sprinkling of dark chocolate chips for sweetener.)

Seven Ways to Use Frozen Meatballs  I love the idea of pizza grilled cheese-- especially if I can incorporate veggies and still enjoy the melty goodness of warm cheese. 

57 Things You Can Do To Be A Better Cook Right Now From mixing bowls to toasting spices to softening butter to setting off the smoke alarm (??!), this list has ideas to get your brain whirring and your mouth watering.

Granola Energy Balls   I've shared this link multiple times in the past.  These were my go-to snack before a morning run while I was pregnant.  Right now I'm finding these handy to keep on hand for when I'm nursing in the middle of the night.