Unconventional Hospitality

In my most recent post about hospitality, I promised I had one more thing to say:

If hospitality is about fostering relationships, don't be afraid to accept other opportunities for community.

I guess that is a topic all to itself and not really hospitality at all, but it is important.  It doesn't have to be in my home with my food on my timetable to be meaningful.

Accept an invitation to another person's home.   Go to the park with another family for conversation and play.  Accept an invitation to meet up at a restaurant.   Go out with friends after church.

Immerse yourself in other people and their lives.

As we sink deep into this holiday season, remember to invest in more than gifts and decorations. Invest in people, too. 

Wednesday Through Sunday {in three words}

This is Wednesday:

crazy sous chef

making pumpkin pie

And now Thursday:

all six kids

and an outtake

two of us

gathering with family
{photo by Mom}

On to Friday:

choosing a tree

 this is it

mommy/baby selfie

lost a tooth

Saturday was Fun:

annual date day

💗our third wheel 💗

evening birthday party

Day of Rest: 

choir singing hymns

one more song

can't escape sickies!

Back to reality.

More on Hospitality and Community {part 3}

This is part 3 of my informal series about imperfect hospitality.  Get caught up here and here.  



As we (my family, specifically, and maybe yours, too) prepare to welcome people into our home during the holiday season, it is important to remember that the house and the decor and the food are secondary to the people. Relationships are what hospitality is all about.  There are a few points I focus on to keep my priorities in the right place. 

• Kids are equally as important as adults.

It is easy to focus on our adult friends and relatives and forget that the younger people they bring along matter, too.

Sometimes it is fun to invite only kids over, too. This may be kid-led, like when my kids had a group of friends over for a movie party at the end of the summer.  (They plan to do it again the weekend before Thanksgiving--with even more kids this time-- 13, or possibly 17, kids, instead of 12!)

Other times we invite whole families, making sure the kids feel welcome, too, whether with their own table or a special dessert or activity.  

Mother's Day meal (2013)

Welcoming friends' children into our home while the parents go out for a few hours alone is also hospitality.

• The house does not need to be spotless.

It is so easy to let the house cleaning take over my brain.  I attempt to keep my house moderately clean all the time so spontaneous hospitality is possible, but when I have time to plan ahead, I have a hierarchy of importance.  The bathrooms come first.  (No one wants to use a dirty potty!).  Next I want the house straight and the clutter picked up.  If there is time, I vacuum and/or sweep the floor, specifically the main traffic areas.  Dusting and deeper cleaning (mirrors, wiping down the refrigerator, etc.) come last. 

Valentine's Day celebration (2009)

• Entertaining does not need to be complicated. 

Keeping people happy and entertained can be as easy as having a good conversation. Watching a sporting event together on TV or playing a board game works as well. We've hosted more than one Survivor party of the years, too.

football!

And though we don't want the food to take precedence over the relationships, sometimes food is the entertainment. Before they go home for the day, Brian and a single co-worker sometimes discuss what they will be eating for dinner. If a particular food gets a lot of talk, Brian tells me, and we make a point to invite his co-worker over next time we eat that particular dish. We've done chicken and dumplings, blackberry chicken, and cider beef.  We plan to do honey sriracha wings next (this recipe, substituting 4 tablespoons sriracha for the hot sauce).

• Talk about the obvious. 

I am terrible at small talk, not because I don't like to talk, but I have a hard time initiating conversation with feeling awkward.  I like to think about a few conversation starters ahead of time-- nothing gimicky and certainly not a script-- but I consider what our guests do for a living or what I know about them.

They say that talking about the weather is boring, but almost everyone has an opinion about the heat wave or the cold snap you are currently experiencing.  Everyone has opinion about whether it will be a snowy winter or rainy spring.  Weather conversations often lead to discussions of holidays or vacations or family traditions.  It is not a bad starter topic at all!

12 cousins with Grandma-- 1 missing + 2 born since the photo was taken in 2013

When we had a group of kids over recently, some of them did not know each other.  We played a quick ice breaker that even the shyest of kids could play.  I said, "Raise your hand if you are five," and then each child who raised her hand told everyone else her name.  We continued right up the line until we got to the thirteen-year-olds. (And yes, we had each age represented!)   I wouldn't recommend playing this with adults, but it was perfect for our group.  

Part 4, which will also be the last part, will address how I Promote Hospitality Unconventionally. 

Hospitality and Community, pt. 2

I mused about imperfect hospitality about a week ago and shared how it is so easy for me to come up with a list of excuses why it would be easier or better to avoid having people into our home.  I talked about why I've decided it is important despite my shortcomings and how our family fits guests into an already full schedule.

Today I want to take a few paragraphs to address one of my biggest hang-ups:
  How am I going to feed these people? 

The food

The food itself can be a big concern when you are pinching pennies (me!) or when you don't feel like a good cook (me, again!). I've found in most instances, guests want to help contribute to the meal so no one person is responsible for the cost or the planning. We hosted lunch guests this summer and ate simple dripped beef sandwiches with potatoes and a bowl of watermelon.  One family brought tomatoes from their garden to slice and another brought a pan of brownies. 

We had friends for dinner the day my water broke with Macie, too.  (What an adventure! You can read more about that here!)  That day I made ham and poppy seed sandwiches and our friends brought a fruit salad, and we ate before I headed to the hospital!

Another time we invited over friends with small kids so each family made two pizzas with a variety of toppings.  (I have a trick or two for baking pizza at home.) We baked all the pizzas in our oven and paired pizza slices with a big salad.

At the beginning of this month, friends came for dinner on a school night so I simmered a pot of  chicken and rice soup in the afternoon and made a pan of garlic and herb flat bread (a non-dairy variation of this recipe, using olive oil). One guest brought a salad and another assembled dessert and baked it in our oven after she arrived.  

We've also hosted people and served only snack foods.  I had a ladies' game party and offered desserts.  Ben invited friends over on his birthday morning and had donuts.

I served a walking taco bar to a group of hungry kids and teenagers. 

Feeding a crowd does not have to be expensive.  I employ a few go-to recipes that I am confident taste good and I use them over and over. (There are lots of food ideas on my blog if you dig into the recipe archives.)

Setting the table

Our dining room table holds eight and there are eight of us.  Macie uses a high chair so that only leaves one extra seat at the table.  Our solution is to serve the meal buffet style from the counter.  Usually the kids claim the seats at the table (often squishing in more than eight!), and the adults eat at the living room coffee table or on their laps.  Other times we switch it up and let the adults enjoy the table.  Once we borrowed a folding table and a few chairs so all sixteen people could score a spot at the table. 

And you know what?  If none of those ideas appeal, inviting just one person to fill that one empty spot at the table is still hospitality! 

What about the plates and glasses and silverware for extra people?  I bought an inexpensive set of white plates to supplement the dishes I already have. I use mix-and-match bowls and glasses, too. Nothing is a perfect match, but it all coordinates. Sometimes it is easier to use paper plates and plastic utensils. That is more than okay. Plus it eliminates the need to wash dishes when my guests go home

It doesn't have to be about food!

I always assume that hospitality equals feeding people, but if my goal is relationship, being together is more important than what we put in our mouths.  One spring we invited three other families over to dye Easter eggs with us.

Other times we've had people over just to talk and visit, or to take a walk.

...which leads to the next topic...

Who should I invite and what do we talk about?

Notes on Hospitality and Community, pt. 1

I was all set to record my thoughts on imperfect hospitality when I logged on to my computer to see that my real-life friend, Ginger, had already expressed many similar thoughts here.   When I consider hospitality, I can come up with a list of excuses:

I have a baby.  My house is too small.  No one wants to drive to our house 15 minutes outside of town.  Our dining room table is already at capacity.  I'm not a great cook.  I don't know how to start small talk.  

Don't we all have a list of reasons why it is easier to say no to hospitality?  

The Lord has been showing me more and more the need for and the importance of relationship. I want my children to grow up knowing people, loving people, ministering to people, and simply sharing life with people.

Over several posts, I want to share what I'm learning about hospitality, not because I've got it figured out and have no insecurities, but because I am still stretching and learning myself.  

I'm going to begin with a few ideas on timing.  

Weeknight vs. weekend

I always thought entertaining was better on the weekends, but when Brian pointed out that our weekends were booked through October and partly into November,  I had to think outside of the box. In September, we had a dinner guest on a Monday evening.  After dinner, he played chess with my boys over dessert.  This week, we had three people over for soup and bread on Tuesday evening.   One friend brought a salad and another brought dessert.  After dinner, the ladies and kids chatted in the living room and played games with my kids while the men continued to talk at the table.  

I only mention the minutiae because it proved to me that we can have a regular school day, welcome people into our home, go to bed, and get back up to another regular day.  It also proved that we can eat simple food and do simple things and still have a good time because the people are more important than the details. 

Planning vs. spontaneity 

Sometime it requires advanced planning to get people in the same place at the same time.  Other times, a last minute gathering is best.  I am a planner by nature and I love penciling things onto the calendar weeks ahead of time, but at the end of the summer, my kids wanted to have a big group of friends over for a movie night.  I texted a few moms early in the week and was pleased that almost everyone was available on Saturday.  The kids played a bunch of Twister tournaments in the living room while I prepared a super-easy meal. Then they watched the movie and we sent them all outside until the party was over. It was a blast!  

10 of the 12 kids in our living room

Next up: How can I feed these people?

Do you have any thoughts on hospitality?  Share them with me!

Mom Confessional, or Why We Took 2 Days Off on Our 2nd Week of School

I mentioned on the blog's Facebook page that even though we are officially back to school, we were taking two days off for summertime activities.  Years ago, when we began homeschooling, we decided that we wanted to take advantage of Brian's time off in the winter to wind down from the busy-ness of Christmas and enjoy some family time by putting the school books aside for a month. The caveat was that we had to begin school in August to make up for the lost month in the middle of the year.

From the very beginning, our school year has run August through December and then February through May.  Because most of our friends are still fully immersed in summer, we let our August schedule be flexible.  We hit the books but also allow plenty of wiggle room for the fun opportunities and invitations that arise.  

We started the school year mid-week, on August 3, easing into our subjects one at a time.  Then dawned week two of school. Over the weekend, we were asked to come to a Monday evening picnic dinner.  This didn't affect our school day, other than provide great motivation for everyone to finish their work in time for the fun.  We arrived early so the kids could play.  They filled the time outside with pirates, hide-and-seek, and sardines, and guzzled lots of water, even though it was cooler and breezier than the weather on the proceeding days. Our meal was classic summer: hamburgers on the grill, potato salad, fresh tomatoes, and watermelon.  The kids ate on the dock, while the adults (and Macie) sat at the picnic table.  

The men tinkered with a lawn mower after dinner, but when Macie started to get sleepy, we gathered our things to go. The kids led a campaign to all spend the night together.  (I remember doing that as a kid and not understanding why my parents rarely said yes!) Alas, we took our own kids home for showers, bedtime, and a new school day on Tuesday.  

So far, so good, right?  We managed to do school and have fun with our friends.  We even had time to lay around-- drooling, smiling, and playing with a ring stacker, too.  ~wink~  

Over the weekend, though, Gavin, Maddie, and Owen had received another invitation, this time to spend Wednesday at the water park.  My mom and sisters take them every year and it's an annual tradition so I was not about to be the mean mom who said no. The school books were gladly shelved, but we counted their day as P. E. (Really!)

I had the youngest three home with me so we went out for ice cream.  (Since I'm still dairy-free, it was sorbet for Macie and me.)  We also read books together.  Ben and I took turns reading out loud and no one even cared that they were technically history books and counted as school!  It was fun to read together without the distraction or noise of the older kids.  Then I let them indulge in some shared Wii time while Macie napped.

On Thursday, we continued the streak and took off from school again.  We went to the library to turn in our final lists for the summer reading program.

I guess we could have waited to go in the afternoon, but we wanted to see the magic show the library was hosting in the morning.

I guess we could have done school in the afternoon when we got home, but we decided to consider the library school for the day in order to spend the afternoon reading (school?) and cleaning the house for Owen's birthday party (life skills!).  Plus, that day was my 15th wedding anniversary so I declared it a family holiday.

And speaking of parties, this full week was sandwiched between two weekends of birthday parties. First we celebrated my dad's 60th with a surprise party.

Dad with all 10 of his grandchildren

Macie took the dinner roll right off of my plate!

Then this weekend we celebrated Owen's 10th on Saturday with a "dress as a movie character" party...

...and on Sunday, we had a family dinner to celebrate the collection of August birthdays, It reminds me of the summer I was pregnant with Alaine...the summer of too many cakes.

I had a friend tell me recently that she plans to start school this week but is only committing to three days a week until after Labor Day.  I like her plan!

Check Up and Check In

Life was a tad crazy in July.  Normally,  a busy schedule is out of my comfort zone and I crave days at home with quiet and order, but the kids and I have loved this summer of friends, outings, food, and activity.  We found a happy balance between fun and keeping the house (and our minds) in order.

Brian has had one of the busiest summer seasons on record which is a good thing for business but tiring at the same time.  He has managed to squeeze in some time for fun, though.

Some things were put on the back burner for a time and we declared it okay.  We ate a lot of sandwiches and meals on the go.  (One night we ate BLTs and everyone raved over it!  Go figure.) We ate out more than usual.  We read in the car instead of the couch. Macie learned to sleep in the ring sling. Blogging sort of stopped altogether.

This summer was about relationships, not rules and routine.  Here are some of things we did while I was away from the blog:

Macie had her 6-month check-up. 
She turned 6 months on July 10, but her appointment was scheduled later in the month.  She weighs 16 pounds 9.5 ounces, which places her in the 53rd percentile.  After struggling with weight gain as a newborn and then stabilizing around the 5th percentile for months, this is monumental! 

She is scooting forward and trying to crawl, but she can't figure out how to push up onto her hands and her knees at the same time. 

She started solid foods at 6 months, too.  We practice baby-led weaning so most of what she eats, she feeds herself, but I help if we are out or if it's going to be super messy.  For example, I let her eat homemade pasta sauce off of my finger rather than let her go at it with her own fingers.  Her favorite foods so far are broccoli and tomatoes.  

She wasn't impressed with cucumber, but from the looks of that photo, neither was I!

We took the kids to see The Secret Life of Pets at the theater.

My mom and sisters watched Macie so we didn't have to keep a baby happy...in the dark... in a seat... at nap time!  I love a movie theater experience.  Even movies I'd never watch at home (I'm a party pooper with animated movies.) are fun on the big screen!  

We spent a week of mornings at VBS. 
The kids had a blast!  They sang and crafted their way through the week.  They bonded with friends and made new ones.  The theme was "Submerged," featuring submarines and sea animals, and it focused on diving deep into God's word. 

Gavin assisted during recreational time.  He was part of a team of two adults and three teen guys. During their break, they had a time of Bible study and fellowship together.

Last year, I helped in the kindergarten class which was okay.  This year I worked at registration and loved every minute of it.  It satisfied all of my organizational needs. I was also surprised at how much I enjoyed greeting all the kids and parents each day, getting to know them, and learning their names. Macie was a trooper and napped in the sling each morning, sleeping through all the commotion around us.  When she woke up mid-morning, she smiled and visited with a variety of people and became special friends with anyone who would give her Cheerios.

I was particularly happy she kept up with naps because we had several afternoon/evening activities that week, too.  One day we went swimming at a friend's pool with a large group of friends.  Some of us continued the party at a new local pizza shop for dinner. Another evening, a friend grilled hot dogs and the rest of us brought sides.  The kids played basketball and hide-and-seek outside while the adults chatted on the deck. 

On the Sunday following VBS, we had a church picnic with a 14-foot water slide and snow cones.  It was 95 degrees, but we had a fantastic time.  Two of my kids ate four snow cones apiece and I didn't mind a bit.  Maybe that's because I ate three myself!  

I neglected to get any photos of the event, but Brian got this one of the teenagers helping to roll the air out of the water slide when the picnic was over.

We're watching the third season of The Great British Baking Show on our local PBS channel. 

There hasn't much extra time for TV, but we got hooked when season 1 was still available on Prime.  It's been a fun way to unwind once a week.   It's renewed the kids' interest in the kitchen, too.  Owen wants to be a baker when he grows up so he and Maddie made starfish sugar cookies for their class at VBS and chocolate chip cookies for movie night at church.


Gavin went to 3-D Printing camp.
All my boys have been fascinated with 3-D printing since they learned that Lego prototypes are often printed this way. When we found out about a local camp...and when Gavin received a scholarship to attend...he jumped at the chance. Gavin is a man of few words these days, but we chatted about it every day on the drive home. Some people say the best time to talk with teenagers is late at night, but our sweet spot is while we're riding. 

Maddie turned 12! 
Birthday season has begun at our house.  We have 4 birthdays and an anniversary in a 5-week span. 

Maddie didn't have a party to celebrate, but our friends' 15th wedding anniversary was the same day so we invited their kids to eat with us so they could go out to dinner alone.

We put candles on our ice cream dessert and the kids played a very loud and competitive game of hot potato so I think we turned it into a party after all.

Other highlights of our summer:

• several birthday parties
• a library event where every kids who attended took home a bagged lunch  (My homeschool children were beyond thrilled at the typical school lunch fare.)
• a community theater production of Mary Poppins which has inspired Maddie to try out for a fall show
• a minor league baseball game
• a cool, rainy 4th of July cookout where the kids got to play in the rain
• a fireworks show on the warmer, sunnier 5th of July

We start school on Wednesday and I am sad to say good-bye to our carefree summer.  It's taking a lot of discipline to buckle down and not extend our summer by a few weeks, but I always keep August flexible anyway and I'll be thanking myself in January when we are able to take the month off.