The Things I DON'T Do

With Christmas over and the decorations put away, I often take time in January to think about my goals for the coming months.  I don't like the word "resolution." There is a lot of pressure with resolutions.  If I make one wrong move, I feel like I've failed and might as well give up.  

Instead, I like to make goals.  Goals imply something I am working toward-- a series of baby steps in the direction of an end result.  Mistakes may set me back, but I can still pick up and try again.

Brian and I talked over the weekend about things we want to do this year and things we want to change both individually and together, but I don't want to talk about that now.  I love getting a peek into someone else's thought and plans, but sometimes it can inspire a bit of discouragement or comparison, too.  

I often have people say to me, "I don't know how you have six kids and manage to homeschool," or, "keep your house clean," or, "read."  The reality is, there are so many things I don't do.  I thought it would be fun to share a few of those things here instead:

1) I don't write daily...or even weekly... lesson plans.

Maybe this surprises the people who know my love of a list and a calendar, but I have never written a detailed lesson plan...or many lesson plans at all.  My method of school planning is big-picture.  I know what I want to accomplish in a year and we chip away in small chunks.  For example, in history, I know we need to cover post-Civil War through the present this year so in August we studied the Reconstruction Era.  In September, we read about the early 1900s.  In October, we focused on World War I.   I do not write out what needs to be done each day.

Each child also refers to their own weekly schedule, but that simply reminds them what subjects they need to cover each day, not the specifics of what they need to do. 

2) I don't wash my hair every day.

I used to have very oily hair that looked gross and limp if I didn't wash it, but as I got older, my hair started to dry out. After my pregnancy with Macie, my dry hair also became more wavy.  I have a lot of hair-- "massive amounts," in the words of the girl who cut my hair-- and I suddenly realized that I could save a lot of time by not washing and styling it every day. 

I have never used dry shampoo, but I spray on  homemade sea salt spray after I wash my hair, and I spray on a bit more on in-between days.  The salt helps dry out any stray moisture or yuck. 

3) I don't garden or raise chickens.

I have a very black thumb.  I can barely keep a hanging basket alive in the summer.  As much as I would like to feed my family fresh vegetables from our own garden, it is just not my thing.  Even if I could do it, there is a huge time commitment and I would rather devote my time to other things.  Instead, I gladly make good use of every gift of vegetables from my gardening friends or family.

The same goes for chickens.  We know at least four families who raise their own chickens and Maddie is dying to join them.  As much as I love fresh eggs and understand their health benefits, I am saying no for now.

4) I don't exercise.

For three years I was a regular runner. I ran 2 half-marathons and many more shorter races.  I ran through my pregnancy, up until the day my water broke.  I know other moms who find time to run with a baby, but it's not working for me.  Macie turns one this month and I don't see running in my near future either.  

My favorite time to run is early morning, but that's when she wakes to nurse.  Once my morning gets going, the rest of the day is full to the brim.  Over the summer and fall, I took a daily mile-and-a-half walk with Macie and either Brian or one of the kids, but now it is too dark and cold. Maybe I could find time to exercise another way, but I'm choosing not to make it a priority right now.  I will take the occasional run when I'm able, but  I won't put it on my regular to-do list for many more months. 

5) I don't use coupons.

I am frugal and like to save money, but I rarely use coupons.  I buy generic and watch for sales. We also love the effortlessness of Walmart Savings Catcher.  I say "we" because I am not even the one who uses the app.  Brian is. 

6) I don't take my kids to dance or sports practice.

We have made the decision for monetary and time purposes to forego weekly individual activities with our five older kids.  They all take a gym class.  They all go to church activities one evening a week.  They all sing in the local homeschool choir.  Maddie does attend a monthly book club and the others will occasionally go to a class or camp, but we are choosing to not have multiple outside commitments. 

7) I don't put my kids to bed at night.

I feel the most guilt about this one!  Our nightly routine involves the kids listening to audio books in their rooms before bed.  Everyone gets ready (teeth, pjs, etc.) and then go into the bedrooms to listen. Sometimes it's boys/girls, sometimes older/younger, sometimes all together. When a disc is over (usually after an hour-ish), they come back out to the living room to tell me goodnight and then they take themselves to bed.  I rarely tuck anyone in or turn out lights. 

*****

There is one more thing I am going to take off my plate.  Blogging.  After almost nine years of writing here, I have decided to spend time on other pursuits.  When I began, I was still in my twenties and we lived in a small townhouse. We had no pets, Gavin was five, and three of my kids were not even born!  What a journey.

My blog is staying right here. I plan to leave all  posts, links, and photos up for browsing.  I won't disappear either. I'm keeping my blog's Facebook page open, and I plan to continue posting a few thoughts and photos there.  

"The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with all of you." 2 Corinthians 13:13

How I Prepared to Feed My Family After the Baby Arrived

When I am a postpartum mom, I can overlook the vacuuming.  I can take five minutes to clean the bathroom or ask one of my kids to do it.  I can let the (clean) laundry pile up or attempt to fold it one-handed. All of those things can be accomplished as I have time and I choose to not guilt myself about what gets neglected.

Feeding my family can't be compromised.  They (and I) need to eat three meals a day whether a new baby is in the house or not! 

food from friends

This is how I prepared to feed my family once Baby #6 made her arrival:

• I taught each of the three oldest kids how to made a main dish on their own.  My kids, especially Maddie (11) and Owen (9) know kitchen basics, but I wanted them be able to cook an entire meal without assistance.  Gavin (13) learned to make a 1-pan skillet pasta.  Maddie perfected a dish of sausages, potatoes, and onion drizzled with olive oil and flavored with seasonings.  Owen learned to cook taco soup.  They also know how to assemble a salad, put ingredients in the bread machine, make grilled cheese, and bake muffins.
  

• I browned several pounds of ground beef and flavored it with taco seasoning.  I froze the meat in meal-sized portions for tacos or salads.  Both are easy choices that my husband or kids can pull together in less than a half hour. I also had Maddie replenish the container of homemade taco seasoning by mixing up a  double batch.
  

• After cooking a ham around Christmas, I cubed and froze some of the leftovers to mix into scrambled eggs or to top salads or pizza.
  

• I assembled  three soup kits-- bags of veggies, pre-chopped for our favorite soups.
  

• I  diced and froze quite a few onions so they can be easily added to casseroles or soups.
  

• On a grocery trip in January, Brian and I stocked up on a few convenience foods like cereal, crackers, and canned vegetables.  We also bought a jumbo sized pack of Styrofoam plates.  

• I pulled a small stack of simple slow cooker recipes out of my recipe binder for easy reference-- for me or for my family.

There were a few things I didn't get around to doing since Macie arrived more than two weeks before her due date.

I had intended to cook and dice 4-5 pounds of chicken and freeze it in portions for soups or casseroles.  I had also planned to make a double recipe of The Pioneer Woman's chili and pop that in the freezer, too. Since I bought the meat the evening before my water broke and I needed to use it before it spoiled, when I returned home from the hospital, I recruited Maddie and Ben (7) to help me assemble the chili.  

chili chef

We have been blessed with a steady stream of meal delivery from our family and friends from church.  That is a tremendous blessing to any new mom!  It is reassuring to know my family is being fed well now... and with my preparation, will continue to eat nourishing foods for weeks to come.

Pregnancy Update {35 Weeks}

How far along? 

I'm about 35 weeks.  I feel like I'm entering the home stretch. I visit my midwife next week and then it's weekly visits from here on out.

Gender: 
She's still a girl and her name is still a secret (we think).  Alaine slipped up once when we were in a group of people and no one noticed... or at least no one let on that they noticed.

Feeling:

Until recently when someone asked how I was feeling, I could honestly say I felt great.  But the aches and pains of pregnancy are upon me now.  My back has a constant low ache.  Contractions are beginning to take on a uncomfortable twinge. If it's after 4 pm, I'm no good at all because those symptoms are magnified.  I'm also incredibly hungry.  My appetite has reached a new level and my biggest craving is protein.

Still, even at my most miserable, I would not trade these weeks for the wretched month of morning sickness I experienced at the beginning of pregnancy. I'm trying to savor this time.

Sleep: 

My best time of day is morning. I feel refreshed from sleep and full of energy.  (Well, I feel as full of energy as any almost 8-months-pregnant woman could hope to feel.)  I sleep soundly most nights so aside from bathroom visits, I'm getting 7-8 hours of quality sleep.  As a result, I enjoy getting up early to run in the morning.  The sun is rising later and later, but I'm not changing my wake-up time because I enjoy the few moments of solitude while I wait to leave the house.

Maternity clothes?  

It's some kind of pregnancy miracle that I'm not tired of my maternity clothes yet!!!  It's certainly more challenging to get dressed than in the 2nd trimester, but it helps that I can still use mix of maternity clothes and "regular" clothes from my closet.  For example,  these outfits I wore to church in December...only the green t-shirt and the black t-shirt are maternity-wear.

 

Nesting:
I've never done spring cleaning, but we plan a Christmas cleaning day every year on the day before Christmas Eve.  It's a mystery to my kids that I  look forward to this day, but I love knowing the house is all clean, all at once.  This year it will be especially lovely to have help with all the work.  Brian plans to wash the floors, even the dreaded bathroom ones.   I've even got Maddie and Owen lined up to cook dinner.

Getting ready for baby...

I washed and sorted the baby clothes and put them away in drawers next to the bassinet.  I also made a phone list of all the people to whom we want to text a photo after she arrives.  I also got a haircut and ordered refills of my contact prescription. Those are not technically getting ready for the baby, but  I can cross two things off my before-baby to-do list. 

Next up is making a hospital packing list. Owen (our 3rd child) arrived early, before I even thought about packing for the hospital.  I realized I enjoyed packing in early labor because it occupied my mind between contractions.  It's been so long since I've packed a hospital bag, though, so I decided I need to be prepared ahead of time or risk leaving something important at home!   

Birth plans: 

I've written birth plans in the past, but my midwives know what type of birth I want this time. I did use a free download to create a simple visual birth plan.  I love that this download can be customized. It's a flexible plan and the subtitle promises it's a format the "nurses won't scoff at."

6 Tips For Taking a Meal to a New Mom

These ideas apply to any situation when you bring food to someone in need: a family in the midst of a move, an individual post-surgery, someone who has recently lost a loved one...

All photos are mine, but the pale blue links lead to the original recipes.

1: Don't assume you have to bring the meal at dinner time.  Instead of arriving when everyone is already hungry, it might be more suitable to come right after nap-time or even in the morning. 

Bread Machine Dinner Rolls

2: If you are not the only one bringing a meal, consider contributing breakfast or lunch items instead.  Any mealtime can be crazy time, but everyone still needs to eat.  Muffins, hard boiled eggs, cheese sticks, pancakes, fruit, soup, sandwiches-- great choices to help make the whole day run smoothly. 

Sauteed Apples

3: Bring a pack of paper or foam plates along with your food items.  Even the environmentally-conscious mom or the mom with a dishwasher, appreciates an easy meal clean-up during a time of stress or transition.


4: Deliver the meal in disposable containers or containers you don't need to be returned. You can purchase foil pans for less than $1 a piece, perfect for baking casseroles or cakes, and also large enough to transport slices of bread or a batch of muffins.  I recently picked up 2 large plastic containers at Walmart, also $1 per container, each large enough to hold the contents of an entire pot of soup.  I don't care if I see the containers again...and I still have my soup pot available for my own use!

Chicken and Brown Rice Soup

5:  Instead of a whole cake or an entire batch of cookies, bring a smaller portion of dessert.  This is especially relevant if you are not the only person delivering a meal.  While dinner leftovers can be reheated the next day, dessert leftovers sometimes spoil before they can all be eaten. And of course, if you deliver only part of the dessert you made, your own family can enjoy the surplus which is an added bonus!

6: If you don't like that idea, consider a dessert that doubles as breakfast, like muffins or a coffee cake.

 Cranberry Pumpkin Muffins 

Bonus tip: Get your kids involved!  My kids love being involved, it helps to share the workload, plus it teaches servant-hood at an early age.

Do you have any tips for bringing a meal to a new mom? 

Has anyone ever delivered a meal to you?

How We Fill Our Summer Days

We officially wrapped up our school year in mid-May.  May 15 marked the end of detailed record keeping, math lessons, and a schedule to consult and check off each day.  We crave the summer break.  I know people who love their year-round school schedule, but I use the time off to regroup, evaluate what went right and wrong in the previous year, and  order curriculum for the next year. 

And, truthfully, we would miss the daily hours that are free for spontaneous outings, extra sleep, all-day Lego building, and binge-reading. Sure, there are off-days when someone complains of being bored, but it's not a problem on the whole. Last June I wrote about how we manage all the many hours of "free time" in the summer.   Aside from a few tweaks, it's similar this year.

Summer is never a time to stop learning.  It's simply a new pace and style of learning. 

Two summers ago, we focused on life and home skills.  It's been life-changing (yes, literally) to have a house full of people that know how to do laundry, use the vacuum, and clean the bathroom.

After Owen began blossoming in the kitchen, we focused last summer on  menu planning and a wide range of other kitchen skills.  The added bonus is that feeling his way around the kitchen has helped him widen his culinary tastes. He went from a very cautious sensory eater to a slightly more adventurous sampler.

Several years ago, we started completing our health credit in the summer. I got tired of getting to the end of the year and scrambling to find something that counted for health.  Much of what is considered health is normal life learning.  It helped to be intentional about it and, more specifically, documenting it.

This year we are using a resource that a fellow homeschool mom shared with me: the Kids' Health in the Classroom website by The Nemours Foundation.  They offer many health-related units, based on approximate grade ranges.  We're going to try bike safety, fire safety, and an exercise on reading food labels.  I love that each unit offers a 1-page worksheet/quiz at the end.  While we rarely focus on test scores in our homeschool, the worksheet gives me a way to document a not-easily-documented school subject.

Last summer we also did a few mini-units on topics of the kids' choosing.  So far we have no plans to do this, but we've chosen a book series to read through instead.  We recently discovered the 26 Fairmount Avenue series {affiliate link), an autobiographical set written by children's author Tomie DePaola about his own childhood in the 1930s and '40s.  Each book is short and conversational.  We're already onto the second book! 

Do you have any summer learning plans?

A Clean House and Other Misconceptions

Around the beginning of January, I asked on Facebook for ideas of writing topics this year.  My real-life friend, Allyson said, "I want to know if your house is always as clean as it is when I see it."

My short answer is no. 

You can't see my house right now with the wet towel crumpled in the kitchen floor and dirty cups scattered on the counter. You don't see the crooked bedspreads and the sheets that needed to be changed last week and the bag of stuff for Goodwill that's been hanging out in the floor since yesterday. You didn't see the toilet paper and puddle of water I mopped up from behind the toilet, the other puddle where someone missed the toilet altogether, and the toothpaste splatters on the sink a few hours ago. You don't see the stuffed fish and the little jar of lip gloss fallen on its side on the coffee table right in front of me.

No, my house is not always as clean as it looks when I prepare for guests.

The longer answer is more complicated. 

I like a clean and neat house so I do work to keep it that way.  Sure, our house is lived in and there's daily evidence that seven people share this space (see above), but it's a rare day now when the clutter or dust in our house get out of control.

I could tell you how I clean a little bit each day.  I rarely do a whole-house, scrub-from-top-to-bottom clean. I might vacuum a couple of rooms one day.  Clean a bathroom another.  Wipe a window sill when it gets dusty...

I could tell you how we won't go to bed with a messy house. I could tell you how I've taught my kids to make their beds every morning and how they all know how to pitch in to straighten the living room or dry the dishes or start a load of laundry.

But the thing is, each of us is different and each of our homes is different.  Neither of us lives under the same circumstances so we can't compare our lives or our homes to those of anyone else. No one has your temperament, your personality, the same number of kids you have with the identical ages, and your health status. No one is married to your husband with his work schedule. No one shares the responsibilities you have at church or school or home or work.

2 Corinthians 12:9 says, " 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."


The Lord guides each of us as individuals. He knows each of us intimately and it is freeing when we abandon the comparison game, when we no longer have to strive to meet a standard that we were never asked to meet.

When we are weak, He is strong.

Today

I love the Anne of Green Gables quote that says, "Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?"

That's how I feel about Monday.  Monday is a fresh start.  Last week was busy and stressful, but today we had no where to go.  It was the first time since last Tuesday that we didn't have to get in the van and drive somewhere.

I got up when it was still dark to go for a morning run before Brian had to leave for work.  We are running 2 races together in October so today I was testing to see how fast I could run 3.1 miles.  When I got home, Brian said good-bye and the kids and I started breakfast.  Nothing fancy today, just whatever we could pull together-- toast, boiled eggs, cereal, etc.

The kids watched Wild Kratts on TV while they ate.  I got caught up on some e-mails and started folding the 5-6 loads of laundry that had piled up over the weekend. Soon everyone joined in with morning chores.  Owen cleaned the main bathroom.  Maddie unloaded the dishwasher and swept the laundry room.  Gavin took care of the pets. Ben straightened all the shoes by the back door, and Alaine made her bed and straightened the girls' room. 

Ben and Alaine both got out workbooks and did a few pages before deciding Duplos would be more fun! 

We started school almost precisely at 9 am. We had Bible time and prayer and then I worked with the older kids on music theory before they started their independent work-- math and English, plus 2 projects for art that they need to complete by Wednesday. I explained Ben's math assignment to him and then I used a few free minutes to get cleaned up from my run.

Owen finished school early so I helped him mix up and knead his first loaf of yeast bread. Then we all worked together to prepare a simple lunch.  We ate, did a whole house clean-up, and then the kids went back to the Duplos to make vehicles for Maddie's stuffed cat. 

The afternoon was filled with a variety of things. I made a new cookie recipe. Some of the kids played a Wii game they picked up at the library last week. Gavin worked on a science assignment. We read a few picture books.  I even sneaked in a 20 minute nap.

Later in the afternoon, Gavin went back outside to take care of the pets and then everyone went outside to play while I got dinner started.  Brian texted that he was on his way home.  Everyone was excited because we did not get to eat dinner together on week nights last week because of his long work days.  Brian and I ate dinner-sized steak fajita salads.  The kids had smaller salads with macaroni and cheese.  We all enjoyed slices of Owen's bread with homemade pumpkin butter.

It was Gavin's night to clear the table so he helped with kitchen clean-up and then the kids went back outside to run off some energy.  When the mosquitoes came out, it was back inside for cookies, baths for the littlest ones, and a stack of books on the couch.  While Brian put Alaine to bed, I let Ben practice reading out loud to me and then it was time for Jeopardy! 

What did you do today?

Mid-Year Goal Check-in

I love reading and writing about goals.  I  read other blogger's goals because it inspires me to new things, plus it's a nosy little peek into their lives.  Maybe that's just me.  I write about my own goals to track my progress, see what I still want to accomplish, and even evaluate if a goal still remains important to me.   I abandoned a few of my goals last year...without guilt!

The first half of the year has flown by and it's time to check my goal progress and, of course, include a few links and photos.  My goals are bulleted while my notes are written in teal.

• Experiment in the kitchen.  Try making my own granola bars, yogurt, vanilla, sourdough bread, and marshmallow cream.   

I accomplished much in the kitchen over the first quarter of the year and I included details and photos in my March goal post.  I still have not started my vanilla, but I continued to bake sourdough bread about once a week.  I've been eating sourdough toast and a boiled egg for breakfast almost every day for the past 2 months!  It's just so good. 

Speaking of  breakfast habits, Brian likes to eat a granola bar and a piece of fruit on his morning commute to work.  After sampling a batch of these granola bars, he declared them far better than store-bought bars so now I try to always keep homemade granolas on hand. The recipe makes a large batch and they freeze well.  Owen loves them, too, and we're experimenting with new add-ins.

• Eat at Chipotle.  (Am I the only one who hasn't been?!)

I crossed this goal off in February and I talked about it on the blog here, but on the evening before my half-marathon, I got to introduce Brian to Chipotle (and carb-load in the most delicious way!). 

• Run a 2-mile race with Brian.

I accomplished this goal back in February.  I shared a photo and details from the race here. 

• Train and run a 1/2 marathon. 

I did it!  I trained hard for over 3 months and then on a cool, clear morning, I ran my heart out.  I shared a few things about the race that surprised me and then I gave a full race report here. 

I had major let-down when the race was over.  It took time to get my bearings again and set new goals.  Still strong from my training, I decided to run a 5K in June.  I came in just short of my time goal of maintaining a 8:30 pace, but I did win 2nd place in my age category.

In the first half of 2014, I've run 465 miles. 

• Build my upper body and core strength.  Hold a plank for 4 minutes.

I started the 30 Day Plank Challenge  last November, but could not get past 2 minutes, 40 seconds.  Brian and I started The Challenge together in February, but we kept forgetting about it and lacked consistency.  At the beginning of April, I forgot.  At the beginning of May, I forgot again.  Sense a pattern?  Finally in mid-May, I decided to jump in and do it my own way.  I skipped the first few days of The Challenge because I already knew I could hold 20-30 second planks.  I also choose not to plank everyday, but I progressed with the ultimate goal of getting to day 30 and holding a plank for 4 minutes, 30 seconds.  

I'm happy to report that on Sunday, June 15, I finished the 30 Day Plank Challenge.  My arms were shaking and my legs were burning, but I did it.  Did you know you could break out in a sweat and get out of breath while holding perfectly still?  You should try a plank.

• Learn to change the oil in the van and learn to change the wiper blades, too.

This is a leftover goal from 2013 and I will do this someday! Hopefully. When it's not so hot outside.  I'm a wimp.

• Take each child out individually for a meal at a restaurant they would enjoy.

Accomplished...and I included a few details in my March check-in.

• Read 50 books-- not including books I read aloud to my kids or books we read for school.

I set this goal with the idea that I would read approximately 4 books a month, maybe 1 a week.  I underestimated myself and set this goal too conservatively.   By the end of June, I will have completed 46 books.

I've added 2 secondary challenges to my goal.  I want to read most of the books from the 2014 Sisters Book Challenge I'm doing with my sister.  I've read 5 of her 10 suggestions.  (It would have been 6, but my June choice was checked out of the library to someone else and I had to wait for it to come in.)  Plus I've chosen 4 classics I want to read by the end of the year.  I picked one to read each season and so far I've read To Kill a Mockingbird (can't-say-enough-about-it-excellent!) and The Secret Garden (pretty good).

• Develop a new chores system for the kids, including responsibilities for the two youngest.

I gave a brief explanation of our new system in my March check-in and went into greater detail in a separate post about chores. Our system has been in effect since January and it is working like a charm.

• Take (or have someone else take) new non-candid photos of my kids. 

My sister volunteered to do the photography for me and she did photo shoots on three Sundays at the end of spring. I chose a favorite photo of each of my kids and have them displayed on my blog's right sidebar. She shared some of her favorites on her blog if you want to take a look.  

Spring Photo Shoots-- Maddie and Alaine

Spring Photo Shoots-- Gavin and Ben

Spring Photo Shoots-- Owen

Now I need to print and frame some for my house. 

                                                   :: :: :: :: :: :: ::

At this mid-way point of the year, I've decided to tack on a few more goals.

• Plan our 2014/2015 school year and write a loose daily schedule.
• Focus on teaching kids to take initiative for their hygiene, school work, and responsibilities.
• Run a 5K and a 10K in the fall.

I'll do another goal check-in at the end of September.  Did you make any goals this year? How do you plan to accomplish them?

How Do You...Keep the House Running While You Are Sick?

How do you keep things going (housework, kids, etc.) when Mom is sick?  I have three kids and haven't figured it out yet.

submitted by Laura

Right after this question was submitted, I came down with a virus-- sore throat, fever, headache, stuffy nose.  How different it was than when I had babies and toddlers!  My kids are old enough now to step up and do many of the things that I usually do.  They can handle easy meals, load the dishwasher, switch over the laundry, and keep the house picked up. 

It was not long ago that when I got sick, the house seemingly shut down.  Sick days were a cause for me to panic because there was no one at home to take over my work load while Brian was at work.  If I didn't do it, no one did. The best I could do was to keep the kids close to me, gathering them around me on the couch or asking them to stay in the room where I could manage everyone without getting up. There was no easy solution and there is probably no easy solution for you either.  There isn't a magical way to figure out how to run the house when you are down and out. 

The thing I learned over the years, though, is that sick days are a very short season of life.  (Even my months-long bouts of morning sickness were short in the grand scheme of things.)  It is okay to relax the standards for awhile.  

It is okay if you make sandwiches for dinner or ask your husband to bring home take-out. It is okay if everyone stays in their pajamas all day.  It is okay if the kids watch more TV than you usually allow.  It is okay if the crumbs don't get swept.  During periods of sickness, I used to stress about what wasn't getting done and put undue pressure on myself.  It wasn't until I felt well again that I would realize that relaxing the standards for a day or two would have been better for everyone.

*****

My How Do You...? series is back for a limited time.  If you have an idea for a topic, leave a comment here or on my Facebook page.  In the meantime, you can browse the archived index of past topics.

A Chore System That Works

When I posted my goal update last week, I had 2 different individuals ask for more details on how we do chores and allowance at our house. While I'm not sure if our system will be useful to any other family, I am more than happy to share what works for us.

I want to preface this by saying that we felt a need to make a change because I was always nagging and reminding.  "Did you remember to feed the cats?" "Have you folded and put away your pajamas?"  "Why haven't you brushed your teeth?!  We need to start school in ten minutes!"

Brian and I wanted to create a chores system that had the kids taking more initiative for their own work.

What we found to be most effective was to give each child a list of  requirements (based on their age and ability) and also give them a time deadline.  For example, Owen (7) is responsible to make his bed, get dressed, brush his teeth, help straighten the boys' room, and spot clean the bathroom every morning.  He can do this in any order he wants (and he can even do other leisure things as well) as long as his responsibilities are done by 9 am when we start school.

Other morning chores which were assigned to different children  include tidying and sweeping the laundry room (which also serves as an entrance to our house), walking and feeding the dog, feeding the cats, and unloading the dishwasher. Everything must be completed by 9 am (10 am on the weekends). 

Giving the initiative to complete their own work over to my children leaves me free to handle my own responsibilities or read a book to Alaine or take a shower because I know that the work will be completed and I'm not needed as a nagging reminder.

To ensure that each child knows what is expected of them, we have posted small charts in inconspicuous places around the house.  For example, on the inside of the bathroom cabinet is the bathroom checklist.  Owen rarely refers to it now, but it's there if he needs it. It is also there if another child needs to be a substitute.  When Owen was sick with a virus last month, Maddie was able to step in and clean the bathroom for him by following the checklist.

If a child has not completed their responsibilities by the set time, if they repeatedly do a poor job, or if they complain about what they are given to do,  a certain percentage is taken from their allowance.  It's only had to happen twice because my kids take that dock in pay very seriously!

We made the decision years ago to pay our kids an allowance starting when they turn four.  While we believe that everyone must contribute to the family and that working together is a part of living together, we also believe that teaching children to handle money at a young age is a valuable skill.  Allowance is not a freebie in our house.  It is something that must be earned.

At dinner time, we have a separate set of chores.   Because the two oldest (11 and 9) take care of the dog in the afternoon before dinner, they are excused from setting the table.  Owen (7) and Ben (5) do that together, each with specific tasks. Clearing the table is on rotation-- Gavin on Mondays, Maddie on Tuesdays, etc.  Table clearing used to be a group effort, but it seemed like one child always got stuck with the bulk of the work.  It wasn't intentional, but one kid often lingered at the table.  Another needed to use the bathroom after every meal. Another talked while working.  And before we knew it, the table was 75% cleared by one child.  By rotating days, the table gets cleared regardless of the worker's style. 

One last note: Last summer, we instituted a little School of Home Skills into our weekly routine. It was one of the best things we could have done for training our kids in valuable life skills. It might be time for a  refresher course this summer.