I Mustn't Forget

I lay her in front of me on my bed.  I gather the littlest ones to my sides and quiet them for bed while the older kids play a game in their room.  We sing "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" and "This is the Day" and "God is So Good" as I change diapers and offer a last cuddle.  I glance down at my little girl and find her smiling at me with wide abandon.  She enjoys the music and I enjoy her gummy grins, but my heart still tugs within me.  I want to squeeze her to keep her small, but I can't deny her (or myself) the joy of  the growing up. 

I wrap her in the white blanket with purple butterflies.  I tuck her arms down by her sides like I've done since she was born.  This time, she wiggles and squirms until her arms are free and she sleeps with arms flung over her head. Instead of offering comfort, the swaddling feels confining.  She is maturing, but I'm not ready to leave the newborn stage behind.  (Would I ever be ready?)  I want to swaddle her 7 pound baby self just one more day, but the girl before me is pushing 14 on the scale!

Some days consist of too much fussing and more than enough stained outfits and interrupted naps.  There are days when I count minutes until bedtime and I complain of missed sleep.  I bite and mutter and feel regrets and wish for a new day. 

Time is slipping, slipping, slipping by one day at a time.

I don't want to miss the gift of the present while pining for what is done...

...and I don't want to focus on what is coming and wish away today.

Can I be brave enough embrace the now while still remembering the past?  And can I see clearly enough on the hazy days to imprint the memories on my heart? 

I mustn't forget...the way her dark brown hair curls on the top of her head after a bath.
I mustn't forget...how she coos a conversation with Maddie.

I mustn't forget...that her siblings vie for the chance to hold her while I fix sandwiches for lunch.

I mustn't forget...the way she falls asleep in my arms as I rock and bounce and cook.  

I mustn't forget...how she snuggles into her Moses basket for long, long naps.

I mustn't forget...that she likes Gavin to sing her lullabies and silly songs. 

I mustn't forget...the rolls on her legs.

I mustn't forget...that she whimpers when she is cold.

I mustn't forget...the way she knows when Daddy is home and waits for him to rock her to sleep at night.

I mustn't forget...that she loves her own bed but wants to snuggle with me midway through the night.   

I mustn't forget His grace.