Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Tri-Moms: Romancing Your Husband

This week the Tri-Moms discuss Romancing Your Husband.  Back in November when we were selecting topics for the coming season, we settled on the first February topic (Frugal Date Ideas) and then someone suggested rounding out the love month with Romancing Your Husband.  There was some discussion as to how this topic was different than the first until one of us said, "Romancing your husband is more than the things you do together.  It is letting him know that he is still the man you love." 

Brian and I met almost half of my life ago.  (I was sixteen and I turn thirty-two this year.)  We went on our first date thirteen years ago, we got engaged eleven years ago, and we've been married for ten-and-a-half years.   While we've also rejoiced in many, many ups-- the birth of five babies, a new home, job promotions-- we've also experienced our share of downs-- money struggles, miscarriage, and death of a parent.  In our experience, the tough times truly brought us closer as we shared in the pain together.

Our Wedding Day

Even in the day to day minor difficulties, the rough days bring us closer together.  Spring is the biggest strain on our marriage because Brian returns to work (after the winter off) and grass grows with a vengeance.  Being in lawn care, growing grass is great for business and we are thankful (!), but it also means that he works long hours and some weeks we don't see him at home nearly enough.  When we do see him, he is tired and often stressed with the business calls he needs to return and the nightly paperwork he brings home.  But you know what?  When the house quiets at the end one of those days, we have the best late-night talks when we are both exhausted and half dead on the sofa.  They are better than the late-night talks that we have any other time of year because they mean more and we don't take our precious few minutes for granted.

August 2008 (and 7 months pregnant with Benjamin)

It is easy in the blogging world to only show the rosy, happy side of life.  It is easy to sweep the dirt under the rug and only show the good stuff (both literally and figuratively).  I mean it when I say, though, that our marriage is good stuff. 

So you want to know my secrets for a happy marriage? 

1) Don't consider divorce an option.  When we said our wedding vows, we meant them and we don't give ourselves the option of getting out when it gets hard.  I am continually saddened when I hear of marriages falling apart.  Especially in the celebrity circuit, you hear of couples who have been together seven years or five years or sometimes even less, say things like, "It wasn't working anymore," but marriage isn't an appliance that breaks and quits operating.  It is a sacred covenant so we've always planned for forever and never considered any differently. 

2) Don't talk negatively about him in front of the kids...or anybody else!  I've made it a goal of mine to not speak negatively about Brian in front of anyone.  It doesn't mean I don't grumble to myself when he does something that annoys me.  It also doesn't mean that I don't giggle along with the other ladies when we talk about how men leave their laundry strewn about or draped over the chair, but as far as complaining about him or putting him down, it just doesn't happen.  I like Brian to know that he has nothing to worry about when we are apart, and it is  important to maintain that respect in front of the kids, too. 

3) Tell him I love him. 
Maybe it goes without saying, but knowing I love him is not the same as verbalizing it.   I tell him I love him every morning when he leaves for work and every night before we go to sleep. 

4) Place our marriage in the Lord's hands.  "Unless the Lord builds the house,  the builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain." (Psalm 127:1 NIV)  Regardless of all my effort, it all truly depends on Him and we have Him to thank as each minute and day and week and month and year of our marriage passes. 


As always...take a moment to visit my fellow Tri-Moms,

Coming Soon:

March 6: Celebrating Spring
March 20:  Gardening with Kids
April 3: Celebrating the Meaning of Easter
April 17: Spring Cleaning
May 1: Reflecting on the Past School Year
May 15: Summer Learning Plans


  1. It's so sad that divorce is such an easy option for so many couples. Tim and I are both committed to our marriage and divorce isn't even an option. We might not always be exactly pleased with each other, but we know that we are married for life.

  2. Wonderful post, we just celebrated our 15 year wedding anniversary and have 6 kids, and today I love him more than I did when we first got married. We get on each others nerves but our both commited to each other, we will never divorce because thats not an option for us, I think some couples give up to fast, or dont know what they are getting into when they do marry. Thanks for this post.

  3. love this. your list of things is mine too. i'll admit that when i was pregnant with caitlyn, and this list wasn't a priority for the first time in my marriage i could picture a life without shaun. praise God, He protected me and my heart and worked through the emotions i was going through. it was awful. and there is no way i could picture my life without shaun. i also try to surround myself with friends who value their husbands the same way. i had to pull back from a few friends who would just sit and complain about their husbands the entire time. i lovingly told her this, and it's amazing the work God has done on her heart through it. :) great post!!


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