Rock-a-Bye Baby

NOTE: In response to my Mom's Day Out? post, someone commented that I was being too hard on women who felt differently than me. Obviously we can't all agree on all issues. I write about what is important to me and what I believe. Maybe my posts will make you think, maybe they will make you change your mind about an issue, maybe they will cause you to feel even more strongly about what you believe (whether you agree with my opinion or not). Either way, keep the (respectful) responses coming!

I've alluded to the fact that we don't put our kids in any day care or nursery setting, even at church. I also promised to share my views on the topic.

One reason we stay away from nurseries are germs! I may be paranoid, but I can just picture the scads of germs lying wait on every surface. It has nothing to do with the cleanliness of a particular place. It’s just that kids rarely use the same caution as (most) adults when they have a cold (or worse) so germs can be spread about easily. We also avoid fast food play areas and the pediatrician’s office for the same reason! We pass around enough germs in our own house that I don’t feel the need to pick up any more unnecessarily.

Another motivation for staying away from nurseries is that I don’t feel comfortable leaving young kids with someone I don’t know. They don’t usually feel comfortable with that either and I don’t believe they need to pushed into it. The time will come when they will welcome the opportunity to have some independence from Dad and Mom, but for now, we’ll enjoy the dependence.

That’s not all! Even at a church or Bible study nursery, I can’t be sure what they are learning. I feel responsible for what knowledge enters their tender minds and you can’t be too careful. Even good intentioned people can have a different Bible view than I do and I want to know what my children are being taught. A small child’s mind is a sponge and they are not yet able to discern what they believe is right and wrong. (That comes later.)

My main reason for not putting the children in nurseries, though, is that Brian and I firmly believe a family should worship together. Babies, toddlers, older children, teenagers—all can and should be included with the family in church. A baby might not be able to sing the words of the songs, but she can listen or clap along. Maybe a 10-year-old can’t understand everything the pastor is teaching, but he can gain more than you might imagine. The idea of separating the family at church is a relatively new idea and it certainly wasn’t a concept in Jesus’ time—how else was the young boy available to share his lunch with the crowd of 5000?

I know some people argue that if Mom is constantly quieting the baby and telling the kids to sit still, she is not getting much out of the service. I remember reading in The Mother’s Companion some years ago a point I’ve often pondered. The author said that sometimes when children are young, a mother may have to sacrifice what she feels is her right listen quietly in church. Her current ministry is her children and sometimes bouncing the baby outside the sanctuary door is what is required of her.

I will admit it has been discouraging for us in finding a church because most places expect children to report to the nursery as soon as they walk in the door. We had several bad experiences. Once, when Maddie about 18 months, she began to get restless during a service and the pastor stopped in the middle of his sermon to tell me that there was a "quiet room" she could go to. Another church welcomed us at the door and then (without asking) led us straight to the nursery.

Our views may not be popular, but we are doing what we feel is best for our family...and may you strive to do the best for yours.